If someone had told me a few years ago that I’d grow to love a quiet place, I would’ve laughed. Back in 2020, my family and I moved from Depok to a minimalist house in Sentul, Bogor. Sentul, this tranquil little town built by private developers, felt like a completely different world—quiet, still, and almost unnerving to someone like me.  

Though Sentul is technically part of Greater Jakarta (Jabodetabek), it’s nothing like the busy, chaotic energy of metropolitan life. People here live privately, mind their own business, and keep to themselves. At the time, my 20-year-old self hated every bit of it.  

I’ve always struggled with big changes, and leaving Depok was one of the hardest. Depok wasn’t the safest city, but it was my home. My university years were there—those vibrant, youthful days filled with friends, student organizations, and countless memories. It wasn’t perfect, but it was mine.  

My College Years

University was where I found myself. I wasn’t chasing academic perfection, but I thrived in communities and friendships. My college years were all about people—meeting them, learning from them, and growing together. Some of my closest friends have gone on to achieve incredible things—pursuing degrees abroad, starting companies, or even stepping into politics.  

But those years weren’t without struggles. When COVID-19 hit in early 2020, everything changed. Classes moved online, and the world seemed to shut down overnight. Isolation crept in, and for someone like me—who thrived on connection—it was devastating.  

The lockdowns were suffocating. The first confirmed case in Indonesia was from Depok, tied to my university. It was surreal. Life felt like it was spiraling, and I couldn’t escape. Friends became distant, conflicts were left unresolved, and I felt stuck—physically and emotionally.  

Breaking Point

Moving to Sentul only made things worse. I was in a new house, in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and I felt completely out of place. My parents tried to help in their own ways. My mom, a devoted Catholic, leaned on faith, while my dad believed I needed to learn from my struggles. But I felt like neither approach could reach me, so I just felt angry and lost.

There were nights I overheard my mom crying, praying for me to find my joy again. She feared my darkest thoughts, and honestly, so did I. My dad, on the other hand, stayed silent—letting me lash out and vent my frustrations, even when I deeply regretted my words later.

Desperate for a change, I decided to leave. Bali became my escape plan—a chance to start over and find myself again.

The Escape to Bali

I packed my bags and left, determined to find a version of myself I had lost. My parents were hesitant—who wouldn’t be? Their daughter, struggling with her mental health, was leaving for a place far away. But I convinced them that this was what I needed.  

Bali was everything I hoped it would be. I made friends, explored the island, and even fell in love. For a while, I felt alive again. But life has a way of humbling us. That relationship ended, leaving me heartbroken and re-questioning everything. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, especially since they were already supporting me by allowing me to travel wherever I wanted for the sake of my happiness. I couldn’t risk my dad’s health by letting him know how much I was struggling. All he ever wanted was for me, his only daughter, to be happy, so he let me choose whatever I thought would help me enjoy life again. But as it turned out, my decision wasn’t always right—in fact, it became the worst decision I had ever made.

With nowhere else to go, I returned to Sentul—a place I once hated but now felt like my only refuge.  

Returning Home

Coming back wasn’t easy. Sentul was still quiet, but this time, it didn’t feel as suffocating. I became very distant to anybody else, except my dad who spent his retirement days at our house alone. 

My dad and I slowly began to spend more time together. We talked—really talked—and shared moments I’ll treasure forever. He listened our political thoughts conversation so well and I knew he enjoyed the quality time that shared with me. Something that we rarely did back then before I escaped to Bali. For the first time, I felt like I truly understood him.  

But life shifted again, as it always does. In August 2023, my dad passed away. Just as I was starting to reconnect with him, he was gone. His death left a void I couldn’t fill. He left me nothing but more sadness because I thought everything started to become better after my broken-hearted phase, yet my father's death just making my pain worse. 

Finding Peace in Solitude

My thought: just as I began to enjoy my life in Sentul, spending precious moments with my papa, he was gone forever. Losing him made everything so much harder to bear, especially after feeling abandoned by so many others before. I started to believe I might never experience love again. 

I felt unworthy of being loved or cared for by those closest to me, convinced that everyone would eventually leave—either by choice or by fate. All I knew was that I had to keep moving forward, forcing myself to continue living while ignoring the struggles that came with it.

The process was anything but easy for me. I spent my days alone at home, with the house feeling emptier than ever. We were all trying to adjust to life without my father while struggling to return to our daily routines. My mom went back to work, my brothers focused on their own pursuits, and I spent my days working from home, knowing that my dad was no longer there to sit in front of the television, watching his favorite YouTube channels.

Sometimes, I would close my eyes and imagine him still there, sitting in the same spot in the living room where I last saw him. It was the only way to feel his presence again, even if just for a fleeting moment.

But something unexpected happened—I started to find comfort in the quiet.  

Now, as I often live alone at home while my family members are busy with their schedules, I’ve grown accustomed to it. I’ve started to enjoy the quiet moments I have here in Sentul. This solitude has led me to have deeper conversations with myself, giving me more time to reflect and make thoughtful decisions.

My neighborhood hasn’t changed much—we’ve always had minimal interaction. However, I recently adopted a dog and named her Joplin, after my older dog from Bali. Sometimes, I take Joplin for morning walks around the residential area. During these walks, some of my neighbors, who also have dogs, would greet me and introduce their pets. Gradually, I’ve started getting to know the neighborhood better, as our pets have created a connection between us.

The town I once despised started to feel like home.  

Healing and Growth

It’s funny how I’ve started to truly enjoy my life in this town. Over time, I’ve slowly transformed into the person I am today. Looking back, it’s hard to believe how frustrated and lost I once felt. But now, I can confidently say I’ve become more stable and resilient in facing life’s challenges. 

One of the most significant changes is that I’ve started connecting with new people from diverse backgrounds. I’ve built meaningful friendships and relationships while learning to balance my time for myself. In the past, I used to pour all my energy into loving someone, only to be left heartbroken. But now, I’ve learned to love others just enough while prioritizing self-love. I’m fortunate to be with someone emotionally stable and grounded, which has brought comfort and maturity to our relationship, even as we navigate inevitable hardships. With him, I’ve found peace.

It’s amazing how much life can change in just 3–4 years. Now, at 25, I feel like I’ve grown into a more mature and thoughtful person. People often talk about a “quarter-life crisis,” but for me, this age has been a turning point, recharging me with positivity and a renewed sense of self after the struggles I’ve endured.

I wouldn’t necessarily say my life is perfect—after all, who knows what’s coming next? But I can say with confidence that I’ve become more stable, independent, and wiser. I’ve learned to enjoy any place I find myself in, whether it’s bustling with people or quiet and serene. I can manage my thoughts, adapt to situations, and bring peace to my mind, soul, and heart. I’m no longer afraid of being left behind because I’ve realized that life is about phases—sometimes you leave others behind in their own stories, too.

Embracing The Shifts

Life changes and shifts so quickly, often turning everything you’re used to upside down in an instant. I used to hate quiet places, but now I find joy in their stillness. It’s all part of the journey of growth—becoming mature and wiser, and perceiving the world in new ways. Change is a natural process that shapes us into better versions of ourselves. It doesn’t mean losing our authenticity; rather, it’s about embracing a new perspective inspired by past experiences.

The process of self-growth can be painful, especially when we’re forced to confront big traumas. But we can’t let that pain turn into despair. One day, you’ll look out the window and imagine yourself as a butterfly, free to fly wherever you want, without questioning if you belong. That freedom is yours to claim—a state of mind where you can truly thrive.

And while life isn’t perfect and I might still make mistakes, I finally feel loved by the people around me, and that’s enough. People will come and go, but never overlook those who choose to stay. 

With love, 

Eugenia

We all know that we live in the world that moves with time, as we always mention "time flies so fast" and else. And I ever read someone's column that mentioned the whole time drives us to encounter a thing we commonly called "belonging". Therefore, it makes really sense when we feel like we own something, thing won't go easy to be accepted when it goes away at first. 

And that happens when you feel like you've just let someone enters into your life. When they are around you in every routine you do, you feel like they belong to you and vice versa. Most human that I found enjoy to expect things including someone else's feelings. We think that those people who come into our lives do feel the same way that they find the comfort in us, means that they also consider us as their 'belonging'.

For instance, I once met a guy in my college years and we talked a lot about lot of stuffs since we found common interests. I thought that was a good signal that we might be a couple (and even better become a spouse of mine). I had this ability to allow him entering into my messy life although the process was kinda overwhelming. 

Why overwhelming? Someone said that when we first let someone come into our lives, we basically step up our relationship into first level, which is, being an acquaintance. Then, the relationship might be developed into something else, either friendship or lover, perhaps? Well, we know that there will be something else coming after we acquainted with them. 

And to develop those feelings, well there will be a space for us to get to know them better than yesterdays. After intensive communication, we usually find their interests and disinterests that might be opposite with us, their dreams, their values that might be or not be accepted or tolerated by us. Slowly but sure, we let them express the way they feel and think about us because we trust them deeply. And for some reason, we take their advice because we think they also know what's the best for us. 

But there is also saying that time changes everything. Someone's existence in our lives is limited by time. As it is over, then we will be faced by the fact that they must leave us for any reasons. The worst part of this situation is we oftenly hard to let them go. Either this separation is for temporary only or long-term, we must settle our heart to be ready to go through it. 

Back to my story. After I got to know this man, we went dating for some couple months. However things didn't work out so well because it turned out that we just did not have the same core values that raised by our family. Remember, to step up into the marriage level, I always consider values over attachment. Well, let's discuss about this in separate column and back to the main topic!

Knowing that our relationship did not work out the way I once wished. Hence, I started to feel like this guy finally seeing someone else that might share similar values with him. Does it hurt me? Yes. Does it make me hate him? No, I said to him go ahead, he better be happy with his decision. Let me paraphase a sentence quoted from Nasya's medium that when this happens to us, it is the time for us to liberate them with sincerity.

I truly understand speaking about this thing is much easier than being in actions. When things like this happens in my life (in which I already get used of it lol), I don't hide the fact that it had crushed my heart and tore it into pieces. Tell me who does not feel broken when we lose someone that we truly dear? 

I cried at every nights wondering why he left me. My dear psychologist said that it is normal to be sad over the situation. This happened because we always expect someone we love will always be there for us, while reality shows us the other hand. This expectation has disappointed us more than we know. We shed into tears not because someone just left us, but we put highest expectation on them and it did not went well. 

What cross into your mind when experiencing broken heart? It does fucking hurt, I bet. That is why this reason become the X factor why some people avoid the recognition process with someone at the beginning. Because once they let their significant others come into their lives, they gamble on the time until it separates them with their dearest ones. This circumstance is something that most people is unprepared for. 

During my 24 years living in this world, it is honestly very frustating for me to be very mindful with the separation phase. As I experienced much similar broken-heart things, I do not say I am an expert to it, I just get used of it. All I can say now if a storm crush my heart again, I think I can manage it better. However, I still admit that I am hurt.

So, what is the art of letting someone go? 

Letting someone go means so much to me. Over the history, ancient human strives for the freedom, i.e. Magna Charta Libertatum. Freedom to express and freedom to determine. Since their birth, every single soul is entitled to have theirs. Then, the art of letting someone go lies on the wisdom act of granting someone to exit from our lives for any purposes. 

Then, how can we do to cope this situation? 

The first thing to do is admitting our weakness and sadness since it is one way to proclaim our self-love. As I started to acknowledge the painful feeling inside me, I suddenly woke up in the middle of night and thought wisely about my future plan. This moment I took to find an inner-peace within my solitude which I believe help me to understand the ideal action items to do after this phase.

For some people, it may took more or less than a month to get over it and move on. But what I really want to emphasize that everyone has their own time duration to finally achieve a resolution in their lives after experiencing a broken-heart. This resolution lead them to move towards the right direction, thus they can continue their life with or without those people who have left.

When we have achieved the inner-peace in our solitude, we will start to accept that people may exit themselves from our lives whenever they wish. At this point, it becomes a game-changer as stated by Nasya that once we have learned how to accept the circumstances, serenity begins to live in our soul. 

This serenity brings us to the victory where we start to act mature in handling the similar situation. We don't have to practice much because it seems the peace within our soul will present in the best time when we try to relieve, like doing a meditation or yoga; once you have focused and cleanse your mind, you will feel more relax and become productive. That is why it is very important to step back to seek the best time to re-find an inner-peace in our solitude if you still don't figure it out yet.

Does this mean we just easily give up on someone we love?

I always think "easily give up on someone we love" is just another excuse to resist the art. It is just the self-egoism as we force ourselves to maintain the status quo while our significant others demand otherwise. 

We let them go not mere for their satisfaction only, but our inner well-being is more important. Say this to yourself: I love myself and no one loves me more than I do.

When I watch a movie or read a book, I always feel nerveous if the main characters do not have the good ending. Then, I realize that it is also applicable to my situation as I am reminded if I'm the author of my story and I am the main character. Hence, I better aim the awesome end-game for myself. Otherwise, who could?

When you insist yourself to be with someone who does not wish your existence anymore, you don't feel the love any longer. You just let your heart be hurt even worse. This world still needs you in whatever your contributions sooner or later, so start to focus on your goals and life. What you lose will be replaced with other else, and you earn the rewards of your patience. 

The best part of letting people go is that we become mature enough to respond those particular circumstances as our souls have learned and grew independently. Even if I have failed my previous relationship, and even if someone I truly dear has left, but I feel gratitude to once have him in my life. After my broken-hearted journey, I rearrange myself, my goals (in which at that time I had to pursue my undergraduate study), my dreams, and everything about myself.

In my case, I moved to Bali for a year to finally achieve my inner-peace since I have no one there and that was the moment I had my own solitude. I made new friends, communities, new cultures, and new habits. Then, I proclaim myself that I sucessfully had made a peace with my mind and my heart. 

I had embraced my sadness, yet I did not hide the fact I was hurt. I admitted my weaknesses, but I did not give up on my life. I think my struggles to address the heart-broken phase were fruitful as I profound the art of letting someone go. The beauty of the art lies within my soul; being re-birth and rekindle with new spirit to looking forward to next chapter of my life.

- Eugenia