We all know that we live in the world that moves with time, as we always mention "time flies so fast" and else. And I ever read someone's column that mentioned the whole time drives us to encounter a thing we commonly called "belonging". Therefore, it makes really sense when we feel like we own something, thing won't go easy to be accepted when it goes away at first.
And that happens when you feel like you've just let someone enters into your life. When they are around you in every routine you do, you feel like they belong to you and vice versa. Most human that I found enjoy to expect things including someone else's feelings. We think that those people who come into our lives do feel the same way that they find the comfort in us, means that they also consider us as their 'belonging'.
For instance, I once met a guy in my college years and we talked a lot about lot of stuffs since we found common interests. I thought that was a good signal that we might be a couple (and even better become a spouse of mine). I had this ability to allow him entering into my messy life although the process was kinda overwhelming.
Why overwhelming? Someone said that when we first let someone come into our lives, we basically step up our relationship into first level, which is, being an acquaintance. Then, the relationship might be developed into something else, either friendship or lover, perhaps? Well, we know that there will be something else coming after we acquainted with them.
And to develop those feelings, well there will be a space for us to get to know them better than yesterdays. After intensive communication, we usually find their interests and disinterests that might be opposite with us, their dreams, their values that might be or not be accepted or tolerated by us. Slowly but sure, we let them express the way they feel and think about us because we trust them deeply. And for some reason, we take their advice because we think they also know what's the best for us.
But there is also saying that time changes everything. Someone's existence in our lives is limited by time. As it is over, then we will be faced by the fact that they must leave us for any reasons. The worst part of this situation is we oftenly hard to let them go. Either this separation is for temporary only or long-term, we must settle our heart to be ready to go through it.
Back to my story. After I got to know this man, we went dating for some couple months. However things didn't work out so well because it turned out that we just did not have the same core values that raised by our family. Remember, to step up into the marriage level, I always consider values over attachment. Well, let's discuss about this in separate column and back to the main topic!
Knowing that our relationship did not work out the way I once wished. Hence, I started to feel like this guy finally seeing someone else that might share similar values with him. Does it hurt me? Yes. Does it make me hate him? No, I said to him go ahead, he better be happy with his decision. Let me paraphase a sentence quoted from Nasya's medium that when this happens to us, it is the time for us to liberate them with sincerity.
I truly understand speaking about this thing is much easier than being in actions. When things like this happens in my life (in which I already get used of it lol), I don't hide the fact that it had crushed my heart and tore it into pieces. Tell me who does not feel broken when we lose someone that we truly dear?
I cried at every nights wondering why he left me. My dear psychologist said that it is normal to be sad over the situation. This happened because we always expect someone we love will always be there for us, while reality shows us the other hand. This expectation has disappointed us more than we know. We shed into tears not because someone just left us, but we put highest expectation on them and it did not went well.
What cross into your mind when experiencing broken heart? It does fucking hurt, I bet. That is why this reason become the X factor why some people avoid the recognition process with someone at the beginning. Because once they let their significant others come into their lives, they gamble on the time until it separates them with their dearest ones. This circumstance is something that most people is unprepared for.
During my 24 years living in this world, it is honestly very frustating for me to be very mindful with the separation phase. As I experienced much similar broken-heart things, I do not say I am an expert to it, I just get used of it. All I can say now if a storm crush my heart again, I think I can manage it better. However, I still admit that I am hurt.
So, what is the art of letting someone go?
Letting someone go means so much to me. Over the history, ancient human strives for the freedom, i.e. Magna Charta Libertatum. Freedom to express and freedom to determine. Since their birth, every single soul is entitled to have theirs. Then, the art of letting someone go lies on the wisdom act of granting someone to exit from our lives for any purposes.
Then, how can we do to cope this situation?
The first thing to do is admitting our weakness and sadness since it is one way to proclaim our self-love. As I started to acknowledge the painful feeling inside me, I suddenly woke up in the middle of night and thought wisely about my future plan. This moment I took to find an inner-peace within my solitude which I believe help me to understand the ideal action items to do after this phase.
For some people, it may took more or less than a month to get over it and move on. But what I really want to emphasize that everyone has their own time duration to finally achieve a resolution in their lives after experiencing a broken-heart. This resolution lead them to move towards the right direction, thus they can continue their life with or without those people who have left.
When we have achieved the inner-peace in our solitude, we will start to accept that people may exit themselves from our lives whenever they wish. At this point, it becomes a game-changer as stated by Nasya that once we have learned how to accept the circumstances, serenity begins to live in our soul.
This serenity brings us to the victory where we start to act mature in handling the similar situation. We don't have to practice much because it seems the peace within our soul will present in the best time when we try to relieve, like doing a meditation or yoga; once you have focused and cleanse your mind, you will feel more relax and become productive. That is why it is very important to step back to seek the best time to re-find an inner-peace in our solitude if you still don't figure it out yet.
Does this mean we just easily give up on someone we love?
I always think "easily give up on someone we love" is just another excuse to resist the art. It is just the self-egoism as we force ourselves to maintain the status quo while our significant others demand otherwise.
We let them go not mere for their satisfaction only, but our inner well-being is more important. Say this to yourself: I love myself and no one loves me more than I do.
When I watch a movie or read a book, I always feel nerveous if the main characters do not have the good ending. Then, I realize that it is also applicable to my situation as I am reminded if I'm the author of my story and I am the main character. Hence, I better aim the awesome end-game for myself. Otherwise, who could?
When you insist yourself to be with someone who does not wish your existence anymore, you don't feel the love any longer. You just let your heart be hurt even worse. This world still needs you in whatever your contributions sooner or later, so start to focus on your goals and life. What you lose will be replaced with other else, and you earn the rewards of your patience.
The best part of letting people go is that we become mature enough to respond those particular circumstances as our souls have learned and grew independently. Even if I have failed my previous relationship, and even if someone I truly dear has left, but I feel gratitude to once have him in my life. After my broken-hearted journey, I rearrange myself, my goals (in which at that time I had to pursue my undergraduate study), my dreams, and everything about myself.
In my case, I moved to Bali for a year to finally achieve my inner-peace since I have no one there and that was the moment I had my own solitude. I made new friends, communities, new cultures, and new habits. Then, I proclaim myself that I sucessfully had made a peace with my mind and my heart.
I had embraced my sadness, yet I did not hide the fact I was hurt. I admitted my weaknesses, but I did not give up on my life. I think my struggles to address the heart-broken phase were fruitful as I profound the art of letting someone go. The beauty of the art lies within my soul; being re-birth and rekindle with new spirit to looking forward to next chapter of my life.
- Eugenia
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